I can't emphasize enough how evil fathers are. They hate you and your children and are capable of anything


When Leaving an Abuser With Kids: Hard Truths From a Survivor

Leaving an abusive partner is one of the hardest, most dangerous choices a parent will ever face. When children are involved, the stakes are even higher. This is not a theory, not a statistic — this is my life. And if I can spare even one mother from living the anguish I’ve carried for over 20 years, then my suffering will have meaning.

I cannot stress this enough: when you leave an abuser, you must take your children with you.

Why You Can’t Leave Them Behind

If you hesitate, if you think an attorney will bring them back later, you are disillusioned.

  • Any man who has mistreated you — especially one with money — will use every tool he has to keep them from you.
  • Even a father with limited resources can often win custody if you don’t take the children when you leave.
  • He will lie, cheat, bribe, and manipulate the courts to hold onto them.

Never believe he is doing it out of love for the children. He isn’t. He is doing it to control you. He will abuse them if it means hurting you.

The Games Abusers Play

In my case, my ex fabricated stories that I was cheating. He knew if he repeated them enough, the courts would accept them. And they did. He wanted to alienate my children from me — and he succeeded because the system allowed it.

Fathers who are determined to keep control will go to extraordinary lengths. They will:

  • Manufacture lies and false evidence.
  • Use money and influence to buy time, sympathy, or rulings.
  • Destroy new relationships you try to build.
  • Turn the court system itself into a weapon against you.

The Courts Will Not Save You

One of the hardest truths to accept is this: courts often favor the selfish parent.

If you walk in presenting yourself as a victim, they may label you “unstable” or “mentally ill.”
If you walk in talking about his irresponsibility, his instability, his inability to parent, you stand a chance.

The system does not reward vulnerability. It rewards aggression and control. If you think compassion or truth will win your case, you are tragically mistaken.

If You Can’t Escape With Them

Sometimes the reality is that you cannot immediately run. If that is your situation, then you stay with your children until you can escape.

If you leave without them, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of torment.

  • You will live in constant emotional hell.
  • You will never feel peace again.
  • The pain will build every year of your life.

Do not leave thinking a miracle will fix it later. It will not.

The Pain of Regret

I am living proof of this truth. For over 20 years, not a day has gone by that I don’t regret leaving my children with their abuser. The anguish never ends.

It robs you of peace.
It robs you of success.
It robs you of joy.

I would not wish my hell on anyone.

Final Words of Warning

  • Plan your escape carefully.
  • Take your children with you.
  • If you cannot yet escape, stay until you can.
  • File for custody the moment you have a safe place and job.
  • If he has money, be prepared to change your identity or move jurisdictions.

Never underestimate him. Fathers are capable of pure evil and unadulterated hate when control is threatened. Do not give him the opportunity to use your children as weapons.

Disclaimer & Resources

I am not a legal expert. I am simply a mother who has survived the unimaginable and paid the price of trusting the system.

Please seek professional advice and support. If you are in danger, reach out immediately to:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788
  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
  • WomensLaw.org: Free legal information and help with protection orders
  • Local shelters, advocacy groups, and legal aid in your area

⚠️ Above all: do not leave your children with the abuser.
Take them, protect them, and never look back. Your life, your sanity, and their safety depend on i

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